The beginning of an Airline!
Another year and a half passed and I had purchased my own Lear Jet.
I was finally going into business for myself. We had sold the house
and used that money for collateral along with three contracts I had signed
with companies that saw the benefits of using another company to fly their
corporate people. The money was better and I spent less time flying.
I hired Richard Withers to co-pilot and to take over flying when I bought
another Jet, which was my plan, to expand.
Often on short trips, Richard flew by himself and I would remain home to
spend time with Sue, Jay and Lin. Sue and I were shopping on Thursday
afternoon and as we walked around looking at clothes for Lin, I noticed Sue
staring at me.
“What is it?” I asked looking puzzled.
“I can’t remember the last time we went shopping together,” I put my arm around her squeezing.
“It’s nice. Isn’t it?”
“How long will it last?” She asked.
“The more contracts I sign will mean more flying but nothing like it was in the past. I promise!”
“I hope not, I don’t like you being away so often.”
“Give me five years and we will retire to a life of togetherness. Maybe
sooner than that if everything goes as planned. Just think, we’ll have
our own airline.”
“Jay, you know none of that means anything to me if it keeps us apart.”
“I feel the same way but I don’t want you and the kids to want for anything.
If that means I have to be the bad person, go out, and make a living, then
I’m the bad person. That gives me an idea. Why don’t you fly
with me sometimes and help out.”
“Doing what?”
“I can’t think of a more beautiful stewardess than you. I wouldn’t
want you to lower yourself, but we would be together more often. We
could consider them honeymoons.”
“I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to leave the kids.”
“It wouldn’t be all the time. Just when we are lonely for each other.”
“I’m lonely all the time we are apart,” she said.
“Me too. Think about it. Besides, I wouldn’t have to pay you,” I said, laughing.
“You stinker!” She replied.
“Seriously, I would pay you but it would be a tax write off.
“Maybe Genie or Joni would want to do it!” She said suggesting.
I thought about the pros and cons of that idea as we walked. If I was
to stray, I couldn’t do it around Joni. I knew if Genie agreed she
might not think too much of the idea of me going out on Sue either.
However, I knew she wouldn’t say anything if I did. We said nothing
else about it that day. We shopped awhile and were to meet Wes and
Cynthia for dinner at a seafood restaurant in the mall at five thirty.
Seeing Christi!
We all arrived on time, greeted one another and sat down to dine. It
had been over a year since we had seen them. Many things had changed
during this time so we had plenty to talk of. After dinner, on the
way out of the restaurant, Wes and I went to the restroom.
“We are going shopping and meet you here in an hour,” Sue stated. She
knew I didn’t have the patience to shop with she and Cynthia. I nodded
okay. Wes and I walked around and talked of everything. We were
standing in front of a sports store.
“Hi, guys!” I turned to look and Christi was standing with a smile.
“Hi.” We both said.
“Are you two doing a little shopping?”
“No, we are waiting on the wives. They are spending the money today.”
Wes stated. I just stood looking at her not knowing what to say.
She looked nice. She was looking at me as she spoke. I knew she
wanted to say something to me but she didn’t.
“I’ve got to go. You two take care,” she said and walked away. She took a few steps and I called at her.
“Christi!” She stopped and turned to look. I walked to her.
“You wanted to say something just then. What were you wanting to say?”
“If you know I wanted to say something, then you know what I wanted to say,”
she replied being hesitant, not wanting to make a fool of herself again.
“Can I see you?” I asked.
“When?”
“Can I take you to lunch tomorrow?”
“I’m at lunch from twelve to one. I’m at Doctor Benson’s office on Park Avenue. Wes can give you my number.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, as we parted.
“What was that all about?” he asked.
“Give me her number and don’t worry about it,” I said. I memorized it as he told me.
“You are fucking up!” He stated while shaking his head.
Making A Big Mistake!
I got up earlier, excited about meeting Christi for lunch. I made coffee
and drank two cups before Sue came into the kitchen. I fixed her toast
and coffee as I had.
“You are up early this morning,” she said with curiosity.
“ I want to visit three prospective clients today. If I can sign them, I’ll need another plane.”
“Good luck!” She responded.
I left the house at nine and drove to the airport to plan next weeks schedule
with Richard. We met and discussed the agenda for the next week until
eleven fifteen and I left to pick Christi up for lunch. I was a few
minutes early and waited in the car. As she came out, I thought how
pretty she was. I got out, greeted her with a hug and kiss, and opened
the door for her. I drove not knowing where I wanted to go.
“I’m sorry, where would you like to eat? I had planned for us to eat at Griffin’s but I’m not that hungry.”
“I’m not that hungry either. Where ever you want to go is fine with me,” she replied.
“I want to go to your house so you can fix us a peanut butter sandwich,” I said. We laughed remembering the past.
“There’s not enough time and get back by one,” she stated.
“Call in and take the afternoon off.”
“I can’t afford to take off and what about my car?” I looked at her smiling as I slowed down stopping along the curb.
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that. Let’s go back and get your car
and I’ll follow you home. I’ve got a couple of appointments later this
afternoon but we can spend some time together,” I explained with an almost
aggressive tone. She agreed and we drove to her house that was a twenty-minute
drive from her work.
As I followed her, I began thinking of how I wanted to deal with this.
I didn’t in any way during our time together want to seem weak at this point
for a reason. I was, in a small way, hurting inside from what she had
done to me in the past. That was the one situation in my life I had
no control. I felt almost helpless thinking about it. This was
going nowhere between us and I knew it in my heart. Maybe if I reenacted
our relationship in a small way I could control it this time. I didn’t
love her anymore but this time I’ll end it on my terms. I would leave
all options open so she would never think it was over. I would let
it drag on indefinitely throwing her a morsel of hope from time to time.
My stomach was in knots as we entered her house. I had questions that
I needed answered and I wasn’t sure if there were any. Suddenly I felt
three years of mental anguish for what she had done but I maintained my composure.
“You can eat something but I’m not hungry,” I said, sitting down at the table.
“Are you sure? I’m going to have a sandwich.”
“I’m sure,” I replied waiting for her to join me at the table. She
called her office and then made her a sandwich. My mind flashed back
to that first weekend we spent together and how shy I was. That person
didn’t exist anymore. I felt nothing like that now. I was curious
to know if she was going to answer questions or justify what she had done.
I would use all of the abilities within me to assess her true feeling and
come up with a solution that would clear her out of my mind forever.
I watched her eat as we grinned at one another. We were possibly thinking
some of the same thoughts of the past. I waited until she had finished
her sandwich and was about to ask her a question when she asked.
“Why did you do me that way when I came by your mom’s house?”
“I have a better question. Why did you tear my heart out?” I
said, staring into her eyes with a straight face. That question put
an almost shocked expression on her face.
“Well, it didn’t take you long to get over it.”
“What makes you think I got over it?”
“I didn’t hear or see anything of you for three years,” she answered with an almost arrogant tone.
“Before we go any further I want you to know this. I loved you more
than anyone could love another person and I thought you felt the same way.
When you broke up with me, it literally destroyed my heart but I wasn’t going
to beg you. I would have been a bigger fool if I had,” I explained
feeling some anger.
“When you went into the army I thought you were trying to get away from me
because I wanted us to get married. When you left, I felt empty and
alone. I have no real reason for what I did. It just happened.
I’m sorry for what I did and I’m paying for it now. Time has made me
realized the mistakes I had made and that I still love you. I think
Jake knew I still loved you. That is probably was why our marriage
didn’t last. I tried several times to find out where you were so I
could explain it to you but I couldn’t locate you,” she explained and began
crying. I went over to her, knelt down and put my arms around her.
“I love you Jay, is there any way for us to be together again?” I didn’t
answer knowing that would never happen. However, I switched into my
compassion mode.
I held her until she stopped crying. I kissed her wondering if I would
feel anything but there wasn’t anything left in my heart for her. As
she kissed me, I felt her passion as she began unbuttoning my shirt.
I could feel the desperation in her heart and decided not to hurt her in
the swift way she hurt me. Things would never be the same between us.
However, I would give her an opportunity to end it gracefully if she wanted
to. With my shirt undone, she began pushing it over my shoulders.
I stood up pulling her with me and then kissed her. She took my hand
and led me to her bedroom. As we entered, she turned the light on and
led me to the bed.
“You know it may never go any farther than this with us,” I said, giving
her the final option to stop. She remained silent not giving any indication
of wanting to. I unbuttoned her blouse, removed it along with her bra.
I pulled her to me feeling the warmth of her skin next to mine, as I caressed
her back. I sat on the bed removing the rest of my clothes as she did
the same. She stood to pull the covers down and we laid on the sheet
kissing. She positioned her upper body on top of me kissing my neck
and chest caressing my body with her hand. She began kissing her way
down my stomach.
“What is this?” She asked, with her hand on my side feeling my scar then moving her head to look at it.
“That’s where I got hit with shrapnel in Nam. It’s the other one in
a pair,” I said, pointing to my neck. She looked at them.
“You were wounded.”
“Yes, I thought you knew. I assumed you knew,” I replied.
“What happened?”
“A mortar exploded near me and a peace of it hit me. A bullet did this one.”
“What were you doing?”
“Later, I’m busy right now,” I said, smiling at her.
I positioned myself on top of her as she spread her legs. I penetrated
her taking my time making it last until I finally came in her. We lay
beside each other for a few minutes as I thought what my plans would be for
us. I knew whatever I wanted she would do. Still having a glimpse
of hope there may be a chance for us. If not, I knew she was willing
to except whatever terms I would lay down before her. I don’t know
why I couldn’t see in her heart back then, when it is so clear to me now.
Maybe I wasn’t looking for any signs at that time. I just assumed we
would be together forever. Now that I think of it, after she dumped
me was when I finally realized the acuteness of my senses.
“Is this our last time together?” She asked. I turned to look
at her as she stared into the ceiling not wanting to hear my answer.
“I’ll leave that for you to answer. I would like to see you again.”
“Will this be the only way for us to be together, at my house, or some motel?”
“Did you know I have my own company, flying?”
“Yes, Wesley told me.”
“So you’re still checking on me.”
“We talk of you from time to time. He said you’re doing well.”
“I would like you to fly with me sometime when I stay overnight. If you want to.”
“I would love to but I can’t during the week. Work you know!”
“We can work something out,” I said, throwing her a morsel.
“Can I ask you something about you and your wife?” She asked, rolling
over, putting her arm and leg over my body and looking in my eyes.
I looked into hers.
“If you think you can handle the truth, ask away,” I replied having an idea what she wanted to know.
“You said you loved her. Why are you here?”
“I’m here because I can’t help myself and yes I love her.”
“What do you mean you can’t help yourself?”
“My old girlfriend dumped me when I went into the army and screwed my mind up with women.”
“You’re laying the blame on me, that’s not fair!”
“If you only knew what you did to me. My head wasn’t screwed on right
for three years,” I replied knowing it would confuse her and make her wonder
often what may have been. I was applying a little mental torture.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I wish I could take it back.”
“Wes never said anything to you about it?”
“I would ask him questions about you but he wouldn’t tell me anything like
that. He was afraid you would find out and go crazy. He did tell
me that you have had some girlfriends.”
I don’t want to but I need to be going. I have a couple of appointments
this afternoon,” I said, sitting up on the edge of the bed.
“Jay, will I hear from you again?”
“Sure, do you want me to call you?”
“Yes I want you to.”
“Then I’ll call you. Please don’t say anything to Wes about us.
Cynthia and Sue are good friends as you and Cynthia are.”
“I know! Cynthia says she’s the perfect wife.”
“Cynthia said that! Does that help explain to you why I love her?”
“Yes, but it doesn’t help anything. It makes me jealous.”
“I’m going to shower if that’s okay with you.”
“Can I take one with you?” She asked.
“You know you can!” I said, while thinking of past showers with her.
We showered, dressed and sat at the table a few minutes before I left.
We looked at each other waiting for the other to say something. I knew
she wanted to say something so I waited for her to speak first.
“When you said you loved Sue, were you telling me that we would never be
together again? Would I be wasting my time if I waited?” She
asked.
“To be fair to you, that is what I’m saying.”
“I don’t think I can live this way. It’s not enough, only being together sometimes.”
“Just tell me not to call anymore and I’ll leave you alone,” I said.
“But I want to see you!” She said abruptly.
“Make up your mind!” I said, smiling.
“Okay, you can call,” she said. She knew there was no other alternative.
“I really need to be going. I have an appointment at three.”
“Will you call me soon?”
“I want you to sit by the phone,” I said, jokingly.
“Yeah sure!” She said with a grimace look. I walked to the front
door and stood as she followed. I put my arms around her and we kissed
and said bye.
I left at 2 o’clock giving me an hour to meet with my prospective client.
As I drove it began to bother me at what I had done. I began realizing
how this thing was getting to be an obsession. I tried to block it
out as I normally had done but it was causing me to feel guilty. After
meeting with the CEO of Southern Diversified Inc., and signing a one-year
contract, I drove home. I had lied about other meetings because I didn’t
want to be set in a time frame.
Arriving Home I was greeted by Jay as he heard me entering the front door.
I went to the bedroom where Sue was sitting on the bed folding clothes.
“Hi sweet!” I said, going over to kiss her.
“How did it go today?”
“I signed one to a year.”
“What about the others?”
“I’ll meet with them in a couple of weeks,” I said, knowing it wasn’t the truth.
“Are you home for the day?”
“Yes.”
“I can have supper ready in an hour. Are you hungry?” She asked, walking to the kitchen.
“I could eat a horse!” I said, walking up behind and putting my arms
around her. She turned her head to receive a kiss and I obliged.
Her hair always smelled great. I thought as I putt my face in her hair
breathing in slowly.
Jay and Lin came in the kitchen yelling.
“Daddy, Daddy!” I turned around picking them up each in an arm squeezing them.
“What have you two been doing today?”
“Playing!” They said hugging me. I held them a while playing and talking.
“I’m going to shower,” I said, putting the kids down because I always took
a shower when I got home. I took a shower and changed waiting for Sue
to finish cooking. After supper, Sue washed dishes as I sat on the
couch reading the paper and fell asleep.
At nine thirty Sue blowing in my ear awakened me. I cracked my eyes
looking at her wearing the nightgown I had given her for Christmas.
It was very short made of silk with an open V in front revealing most of
her breast that were already showing through the gown. I was aroused
as I gazed at her. I had to drop my lower jaw to let her know I thought
she’s still beautiful. She smiled showing approval of me doing that.
I smiled back reaching my hands around her neck, pulling her to me.
“You will always be the most beautiful and sexiest woman I have ever known,” I said, as we kissed.
We kissed as she began massaging my neck in a way that sent bumps over my
body. I caressed her shoulders and back feeling the silk in my palms
and sliding my hands up and down her sides feeling the curves of her body.
She had not lost anything in the three years we had been married.
A smothering cloud of guilt suddenly covered me as I put my cheek to hers.
I felt as low as anyone could for what I had done today. I tried changing
my thoughts without success but maintained my expression of love as we continued
caressing one another. Why could she not see into my heart as I could
hers? Was I better at covering my emotions than she was at seeing them?
At this moment, her heart was generating nothing but pure love. How
could anyone be so beautiful inside as she is outside? I’m the luckiest
man in the world to have her and I can’t be faithful. Why am I this
way? I’m going to try again to be what she needs. I’m going to
try as hard as ever to be faithful. She doesn’t deserve me being this
way.
I slid over pulling her to the inside of the couch as I stood removing my clothes.
“Will you strip for me?” She asked, sliding her hand inside my thigh.
“Not without music,” I replied hoping to escape her request. She stood
up taking my hand in hers leading me to the bedroom. Adjusting the
light dim, she turned the music on to one of the songs we played when one
of us performed for the other. I knew she wasn’t going to let me out
of it so I began to move with the music. She lay with one leg bent
and moving it left and right exposing herself knowing it turned me on.
It had been over a year since either one of us had performed for the other
but using our same songs, our moves were perfected.
I wasn’t embarrassed by doing it as I was when she first asked me years ago.
I thought about that first time she had asked me to strip for her in her
new room she had rented over the garage. I was in so much of a hurry
to get my clothes off I wasn’t about to do a strip show. I giggled
thinking about it.
“What are you laughing at?” She asked.
“That first time you asked me to strip. I was in a hurry to get my
clothes off. Remember, you had just stripped for me,” I said, as she
smiled.
“I remember. I think you were embarrassed to do it anyway. Tell the truth!” She said laughing.
“I probably was,” I said, having finished removing my clothes but continuing to move my hips and body to the music.
She removed her panties in a sexy fashion as I watched and became hard but
continuing to dance to the music. She got up positioning herself on
her knees still on the bed. She teased me by sliding the hem of her
gown up almost exposing herself. Then she slid her hands up the front
of her body, over her breast and down again teasing me to the point, I stopped
dancing. I crawled across the bed on my knees to her, lifted her gown
over her head, and leaned my body against hers.
Falling backwards, I pulled her on top of me. She sat upright with
her legs on either side taking me and putting it inside of her. I had
her breast in my hands as she began moving in a circular motion. She
arched her back, turning her head to the side and taking her breast in her
hands squeezing her nipples and moaning. I put my hands on her hips
keeping the motion going until I came inside her. She continued then
leaned forward lying on top of me resting.
“I love you,” I said, softly in her ear.
“I love you,” she replied.
“I love lying with my body against yours. Do you know you’re the most beautiful woman in the world?”
“Then why don’t you make love to me as often as you once did?”
“I’m just now getting to the point I can spend more time at home. I
have so many things on my mind that keep me sidetracked most of the time.
Anytime you want to remind me the way you did earlier go right ahead.”
“Do you want to know something?” She asked.
“Sure, what?”
“I want to make love to you all the time but I know you’re tired when you come home so I don’t bother you.”
“I was tired and fell asleep on the couch tonight, but I found enough energy
to make love to you. Girl, don’t ever let anything like that stop you!
Besides, it turns me on just hearing you say that you want to.”
“Good, I just want to make sure,” she said getting up to shower.
“Being alone with her made me think of the letters she had written to me.
I had been too busy to finish reading them. I went to the closet and
pulled them out sorting through and picking out number one hundred and twenty
six. I sat on the edge of the bed turning the lamp on.
September 3, 1970, 11:50
My Only Love,
Please don’t be angry with me, but I need to tell you my heart tonight.
I have a fear that you have forgotten me. Have you forgotten me?
Have you forgotten the face that looks at you, wanting you to hold and touch
me every minute? Have you forgotten the eyes that become sad when you
walk out the door and gleam when you return? Do you miss the eyes that
look at you and see everything they desire? Have you forgotten the
heart that is sad when you’re sad and feels joy when you say the words “I
Love You”?
I went to bed tonight unable to fall asleep because of that fear. In
my heart, I fear you never see my face as you work, as you eat, as you sit
with your friends of an evening and as you lay your head down at night to
sleep. I wonder if you have forgotten me.
Have you found another’s face to look upon? Are you looking into another’s
eyes? Has another’s heart taken you from me? It is said that
time heals a broken heart. For me, time is breaking my heart.
I can only hope as time passes that the love I have given you will overcome
all that I fear.
Please remember my love that I held nothing of myself from you. Everything in life I have dreamed of is in you.
Your Everlasting Love, Sue
As I folded the letter, I held back tears. I was almost not able to
control my emotions. “How could anyone love another person so much
with absolutely no reason for hope?” I asked myself.
“Reading my letters again?” She asked, coming out of the shower.
I turned my head slightly to hide my face, hesitating, but not answering.
“Is something wrong? She asked.
“No,” I said, getting up to shower.
“Jay, wait a minute!” She said abruptly. I stopped but not turning
to face her. She walked over and stood in front of me looking into
my eyes. “Please Jay. What is it?” She asked, almost crying.
“It’s this letter,” I said, looking at it as I held it in my hand.
“I’m just now reading it for the first time.”
“I thought you finished reading them long ago.”
“No. I haven’t read them all.”
“Can I ask which letter it is?” She asked. I put my arms around
her, pulling her close. Her long hair was still damp from her shower.
I continued holding her thinking of what to say.
“I want to ask you something, come over here,” I said, walking her to the
bed, sitting her down as I kneeled before her, looking into her face.
“When I walked away from you, I more or less told you we would never see
one another again. I told you not to write me because I wouldn’t write
back. You had no reason to believe you would ever see me again.
How could you wait for something when I gave you absolutely no hope?”
“Let me see the letter and I could probably explain clearly how I felt at
the time,” she demanded. I handed her the letter. After reading
it, she smiled. “I remember when I wrote this. I had not seen
you in almost a year. Realizing how life is, with you being in another
world, I couldn’t expect you not to be with another woman. That doesn’t
mean I didn’t have hope. I never lost hope,” she explained.
“I’m asking why you had hope in the first place.”
“Because I loved you. I knew in my heart that you loved me and you
knew I loved you. I felt in my heart that when you came back you would
think of me. I’m not saying that I’m better than other women and I’m
not thinking that I’m more than I am. However, I saw in your face when
you were with me that I was what you wanted. That was my hope and I
wasn’t going to give it up until you told me in person you didn’t want me,”
she answered holding my face with her palms.
“If the table was turned, I couldn’t have waited as you did,” I said.
“I don’t believe that! You know yourself that love makes people do
strange things. Even if you had not come back, I would have felt the
same.
“I love you so much,” I said, laying my head in her lap. I got on the
bed as we lay holding each other until we fell asleep.
A Rekindled Love!
As the months passed, I managed to be true to her. It didn’t take much
effort. It was a matter of keeping out of those situations. I
had not called or tried to contact Christi or anyone else that I had been
involved with. Sue had been true to her word by keeping me sexually
active almost every night and day. It seemed almost a new experience
each time with her. There was something about her, almost magnetic
that keeps me like a 16-year-old on his first date. I think I knew
in my heart staying close to home or staying close to Sue was the only way
to ensure my fidelity.
Sue had picked out our new home, which we had lived in for almost three months.
We began entertaining friends and associates regularly. Her brothers
and sisters began visiting more often, mostly at my expense by flying them.
I didn’t mind, I was glad to have them visit and Sue was always thrilled
at having them come down anytime. I had even managed to keep things
straight between Genie and myself during her visits, although she had tempted
me.